No Matter how well I think I am doing, at some point it never fails, always, always, I crash. Every day. Maybe once, maybe many more. It all still brings me way way down. The ball of grief slowly pulls from my stomach to my throat and back. It’s as steady as the tears. I was played again and again. I am a fool. I believed that I was loved. My forgiveness was worthless. We don’t share the same values or the same feelings or love at all. There never was our love. It was mine only. Why did he lie and lie and lie? Why was his loyalty never to me? All the deceit. All the games. He is so cold and I am so devastated. Still.